How Trying to “Make Love Work” Keeps You Stuck
Listen to it here.
If you’re a capable, thoughtful woman who always does the right thing…
yet love still feels hard — there’s a reason for that….
This is a zero judgemtn free zone….
I was this woman so I get it. I soo get it.
Trying Hard Is a Pattern — And It Doesn’t Actually Work
So many of us grew up thinking:
“If I just try harder…
If I just fix this…
If I just care more…”
That should create closeness.
In reality, it often leaves you drained and going in circles.
Trying harder looks like:
managing outcomes instead of being present
smoothing every situation so nothing feels awkward
often holding back your true feelings and thoughts so as to not “rock the boat”
doing more than your fair share of emotional load
endlessly comprimising and being “understanding” keep things going
And what it feels like is:
❌ drained
❌ unseen
❌ unfulfilled
❌ like you’re giving everything and getting little back
No, there’s nothign wrong with you. (I thought this too!)
Effort works in your career, to accomplish your goals, show up consistenly at the gym, or to get your degree(s)….
but it does not work in intimate relationship to get and keep the deep connection and love you want.
Effort doesn’t create connection.
The Truth Brings Clarity
You can push, fix, and manage a relationship to make it more fulfilling, make you feel loved, or cherished.
In fact:
Effort often becomes the cyclic pattern that we think will fix everything….
but only leaves us drained and confused.Presence is what truly creates closeness and connection.
When you’re trying so hard — even with the best intentions — you’re managing outcomes instead of being in the moment with you parter.
Feeling managed makes others close off, avoid, and push back energetically and emotionlly.
Your presence is what makes them feel loved and desire to get closer to you.
I share in the video a personal example that hits very close to home.
—-You can watch it here.
The Shift — From Effort to Flow
Instead of:
forcing closeness through always being available and chasing connection
fixing dynamics to be helpful and kind
proving your worth through hard work, effort, and self-sacrifice
You start:
noticing how you show up….are you trying to fix you’re partners feelings or “help” him?
being present with life as it is….even when it makes you feel uncomfortable!
Not trying to fix or “make things better” in that moment of upset or stress
and just breathe!
trusting that your presence is enough…..you don’t have to “do” anything or make anything happen to create the fulfilling relationship you want
What Happens When You Stop Trying Hard
When you stop trying harder:
You stop spinning your wheels
Patterns reveal themselves
You work on your patterns that block and push connection away (not trying to help him with his)
You take responsibilty only for how you show up (not for the relationship or for your partner)
You stop carrying emotional load for two
Focus on pleasing yourself (not your partner)
Within time, you’ll see if you can both co-create the emotionally safe and deeply connected relationship where you feel truly seen, heard, and deeply loved.
Want Clarity on Your Pattern?
I created a 60-second quiz for you —,
to reveal the pattern that keeps you giving more than you’re receiving.
👉 Take the quiz here: What’s Your Love Block?
Because the first step isn’t trying harder.
It’s understanding that trying harder is a waste of your energy and there’s a better way that actually works to create the relationship you want!
It reveals:
why you feel alone even when you’re not physically alone
the dynamic that makes you carry the relationship
what you need to feel seen, supported, and emotionally safe
how to shift into secure, connected love
You can create the closeness, devotion, and emotional connection with easy and grace. I’ll show you how.
And its mostly likes not something that you were ever taught!
💖 Subscribe to the podcast for more weekly soul-nourishing relationship truths on youtube.
PRIVATE COACHING:
You deserve love that feels:
Safe and secure, not lonely or hot and cold
Steady, not like you’re always chasing
Soul-deep, not one-sided
1-1 Coaching For Women: Real love doesnt keep you guessing or confused. Ready to feel safe, seen, and secure in love? Chat with me here.
Listen to Previous Episodes
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Be a Boundary Babe!! Have the healthy, fulfilling relationship you crave!
What is Feminine Energy and How to Ignite it to live a life of Effortless Flow?!
What is a high value woman and how to become one….LIFECHANGING Episode!
Without THIS learning how to truly love yourself ISN’T POSSIBLE!
It’s time to Stop Being Too Nice and Start Being Who You Really Are
STOP PLAYING SMALL! How To Be Your True Self NOW
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