Forget a New Year’s Resolution — You Need a Reset (Not More Effort)
Every January, smart, capable women do the same thing.
They set new goals.
Raise their standards.
Promise themselves they’ll “do better,” “try harder,” or “be more disciplined.”
And for a few weeks, it works.
Until it doesn’t.
Because the problem was never a lack of effort.
If effort worked, you’d already have the relationship you want.
👉 [Watch the Choose Yourself video here]
Why “Trying Harder” Keeps You Stuck
Most of the women I work with are doing everything right on paper.
They communicate.
They self-reflect.
They read the books.
They go to therapy.
They give grace.
They stay patient.
They hold space.
They compromise.
And yet…
Love still feels hard.
They still feel like they’re carrying the relationship.
They still feel unseen, unchosen, or emotionally alone.
That’s not because they’re doing it wrong.
It’s because effort doesn’t change relationship dynamics — energy does.
And no amount of “trying harder” fixes a pattern where you’ve been conditioned to overgive, overfunction, and earn love.
Resolutions Ask You to Do More
Resets Ask You to Stop Doing What Isn’t Working
A resolution says:
“If I just work on myself a little more, love will finally meet me.”
A reset says:
“What if the thing that’s blocking love is how much I’m doing?”
This is the shift most women never consider.
They don’t need more self-improvement.
They need to stop abandoning themselves in the name of love.
Because when you’re constantly adjusting, accommodating, fixing, explaining, or proving…
You train your nervous system — and your partner — that you will carry the emotional load.
And that dynamic doesn’t change with more effort.
It changes when you stop over-functioning.
The Hidden Cost of “Being the Strong One”
If you’ve always been the responsible one…
The emotionally mature one…
The one who holds it together…
You probably learned early on that love required performance.
So now, without realizing it, you:
Stay calm when you’re hurt
Over-explain instead of being direct
Soften your needs so you don’t rock the boat
Give more when you feel distance
Try to “fix” the connection instead of letting it meet you
That’s not weakness.
That’s conditioning.
But here’s the hard truth:
The woman who does everything rarely feels chosen.
Not because she isn’t worthy —
but because she never lets herself receive.
Why Love Starts to Change When You Reset
A reset isn’t about pulling away, playing games, or becoming cold.
It’s about shifting from:
Doing → Being
Proving → Receiving
Managing → Trusting
Overgiving → Self-led presence
When you reset, you stop leading with effort and start leading with self-trust.
And that changes everything.
Because people respond differently to a woman who:
Is grounded instead of anxious
Is present instead of over-explaining
Is clear instead of accommodating
Knows she’ll be okay even if someone doesn’t step up
That’s not force.
That’s power.
Quiet. Stable. Unshakeable power.
This Is Why January Isn’t About New Goals
You don’t need:
Better communication scripts
More emotional intelligence
Another “fix yourself” plan
A new version of you
You need a reset in how you relate to your partner and those you love.
One that helps you:
Stop carrying the relationship
Stop chasing closeness
Stop shrinking to keep connection
Stop measuring your worth by how much you give
Because the relationship you want doesn’t come from effort.
It comes from who you are being when you stop trying so hard.
The Real Reset
A real reset asks different questions:
What if I didn’t rush to repair discomfort?
What if I trusted myself instead of overthinking?
What if I stopped doing emotional labor that isn’t mine?
What if love met me — instead of me chasing it?
This is how women move from:
“I’m doing everything and still not chosen”
to
“I feel cherished without trying.”
Not because they changed who they are —
but because they stopped abandoning themselves.
If This Resonates…
This isn’t about starting over.
It’s about coming back to yourself.
And when you do, love starts to feel different.
Lighter.
Mutual.
Steady.
If you’ve felt this quiet knowing while reading —
that sense of “this is me” —
Then you’re not behind.
You’re right on time.
This year doesn’t need another resolution.
It needs a reset.
Take the First Step: Discover Your Love Blueprint
If this resonates, know this:
You don’t need to fix your relationship.
You don’t need to try to be more “feminine.”
You don’t need to work harder to be loved.
You need to stop leaving yourself.
Take my 60-second quiz to uncover the deeper pattern driving this emotional disconnect.
It reveals:
why you feel alone even when you’re not physically alone
the dynamic that makes you carry the relationship
what you need to feel seen, supported, and emotionally safe
how to shift into secure, connected love
👉 Take the “What’s Your Love Blueprint?” Quiz HERE
This is the work I guide women through — returning to themselves so closeness, devotion, and emotional connection can meet them naturally. So they can feel fully free to be themselves AND deeply loved and connected in their relationship.
Bonus: Discover what’s preventing you from recieving the love and adoration you desire.
Gift 2: Get my Chosen and Cherished cheatsheet by entering in your email address above. Discover the exact shifts to never chase, prove, or settle for the real love you deserve!
💖 Subscribe to the podcast for more weekly soul-nourishing relationship truths on youtube.
PRIVATE COACHING:
You deserve love that feels:
Safe and secure, not lonely or hot and cold
Steady, not like you’re always chasing
Soul-deep, not one-sided
1-1 Coaching For Women: Real love doesnt keep you guessing or confused. Ready to feel safe, seen, and secure in love? Chat with me here.
Listen to Previous Episodes
Want a Healthy Relationship Checklist? Learn the 10 MUST-HAVE traits your forever guy NEEDS to have
Be a Boundary Babe!! Have the healthy, fulfilling relationship you crave!
What is Feminine Energy and How to Ignite it to live a life of Effortless Flow?!
What is a high value woman and how to become one….LIFECHANGING Episode!
Without THIS learning how to truly love yourself ISN’T POSSIBLE!
It’s time to Stop Being Too Nice and Start Being Who You Really Are
STOP PLAYING SMALL! How To Be Your True Self NOW
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